February 7, 2007 at 2:24 pm
· Filed under Bites of Kitsap, Bites of Washington, Laugh Tracks, Sparks from Sparky
(This article is a follow-up to my previous Sparky’s Crablog post “Got Crab?” )
You have to understand what it is that motivates any person in their right mind to ever consider buying a boat in the first place.
Crab. Yummy, tasty Crab. Lots of Crab.
Our initially sad, but comical efforts with the Wally Mart inflatable left much to be desired. Hence, the purchase of the sea-worthy C-Dory!Â
Now it doesn’t usually take all that long, from the time you buy your first boat, and enjoy the brief thrill of ownership, to quickly realize what an utterly ’stupid’ and ‘idiotic’ purchasing decision you’ve made.
The learning curve of safe boat operation is a painful and costly succession of errors.
Our first trip out was disasterous! We went over to Brownsville Marina in Bremerton, one of the better launching spots in the area. We got the boat about halfway down the slightly steep ramp when the winch strap ’snapped!’ Luckily, we had the security chain attached, and the boat only slipped down a few inches. The Marina Store was conveniently located nearby, so we purchased a new winch strap (the first in a very long line of expenses)
Let me stop right here and just mention one of the basic tenets of ‘Murphy’s Law of Boat Repairs:’
“Whenever you need to buy something to repair your boat, you will never, ever be remotely close to a store that sells discount boat parts, or anything that even remotely resembles a bargain priced item.”
We installed the over-priced, gold-plated, diamond studded winch strap and lowered our vessel into the cool, blue waters….
For the next several hours, we vainly attempted every conceivable option known to man in an effort to coax/ellicit life from our 40 horse Johnson outboard motor. When that failed, we switched our novice attentions to the 9 horse kicker motor. Nothing there either. It was an outboard motor tag team. They were both in cahoots against us.
All the while, as we toiled, sweat, and prayed for a motor miracle, we neglected to notice, that the tide was going out.
As the resident boating Newbies, what we didn’t realize, was at the Brownsville Marina, when the tide goes out, the launching ramp is rendered useless for several hours. The only thing worse than not being able to start our boat engine was having to sit helplessly at the dock, watching the paint peel, and waiting for the tide to come back in.
To make matters worse, because the launch ramp is directly adjacent to the marina store/cafe, our escapades were on full display for all the luncheoning patrons to see. We provided some really great comic relief!
You know, sometimes, life is a lot like learning how to safely operate a boat. Inevitably, you’re going to make a few mistakes along the way (okay, a lot of mistakes). Sometimes the mistakes are costly. Other times, they’re just frustrating, embarassing, and, well, just plain stupid. What’s important, is to learn from those mistakes. And it’s not simply a matter of learning what you did wrong, but learning what you can do right or better the next time.
Oh, the joys of boat ownership! Trust me, this is just the beginning of “Stupid Human Boat Tricks!”
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briobob wrote @ February 7th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
You can bet I’ll be over to do some crabbing when the weather stabilizes.
You see boats can best be described as “something you want your friend to own”. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll help scrub things down after a weekend of fishing but I don’t want to be the guy everyone is looking at when we’ve packed everything up and headed east for a fun weekend of fishing then the motor won’t start.
About 15-20 (give or take on any trip) of us take a bi annual fishing trip every Oct. and May. to Jamison Lake in Eastern Washington. This last year in October we were making the final preparations in anticipation of getting ready to leave that night. (We leave on wednesday night at 2 in the morning so we get there right at sunrise on thursday morning.) The last thing Jimmy (the friend who owns the boat I ride on) always does as kind of a ceremonial thing before the sun goes down on wednesday night is hook the motor up to a hose and do one last check that the thing will fire up. He’s so proud of that engine, and sure enough, just like clockwork it fired right up. So of course we all sit around the rest of the night drinking beers and talking about prior trips getting ready to leave. (as a side note, Jimmy’s dad Big Jim, at this point, being the one who drives us, is sleeping. We get our sleep in on the drive over which he bitches about to no end, but I digress)
Well being a boat owner yourself, I don’t have to tell you what happens this last trip when we show up bright and early at the resort at 6am. That’s right, that stupid engine won’t start. But like any boat owner, Jimmy is sure he can get that thing to start. Just a little twist here or a turn there. Four hours later for really no reason (I know he didn’t do anything other than fiddle with the engine, he surely wasn’t “fixing” it) the engine fires up. The other boats had been out for a couple of hours and I, in my typical Jamison weekend fashion had already consumed enough beer to make an elephant drunk all the while sitting in my lawn chair on the bank heckling Jimmy.
But here’s the moral of the story and the motivation behind why people buy in the first place. Even when that thing is broken down and the owner (in this case Jimmy) is bent to no end trying to figure it out, Everyone is still having a great time!!!!!
Bob
Buckwheat wrote @ February 7th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Hey Bob, it’s good to see you in our little corner of the internet. I agree with you, and that’s why I hang out with Sparky; he owns a boat so I don’t have to! Let’s raise a glass to all the lawn chair hecklers out there…
Hey Rich - remind me to NEVER go boating with you. I just L’ed MAO reading this (and had to read it out loud for Rick) - so not only did you entertain the people at the marina, but us as well. I’m goin to have to video tape us taking the boat out for you. Rick backs up to the ramp at full speed (this must be a sign of manliness), he places the plug (hope you never forget that one), he unhooks the winch strap, Gabriel ties a rope to the front of the boat, Diego to the back; Rick proceeds to back into the water and slams the brakes for the boat to shoot out, the boys slow the boat down and hold it while Rick parks. (not bad, huh?). I have to tell you that we have pulled a couple of cars from marinas….so your experience was not that bad. Thanks for the laugh!
Yikes!!!! I could not help completely cracking up as I imagined your boat stuck and you and your compadres attempting to seem cool in the midst of it!
I am glad to say nothing of the sort has happened to me…. alhough my husband, at the hands of his father’s steering, braved death a couple times (there are reasons why certain passes in WA and BC should not be attempted at either high or low tide) and my father and brother have a story that left me glad I wasn’t a conspirator (involved crashing their sailboat into the shore… ugh!!!)
At least getting stranded at low tide doesn’t involved death…
Sparky wrote @ February 8th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Ines, Rico sounds like MY kinda guy! Reckless endangerment for the sake of testosterone! I’ve just begun to relate my ’stupid’ experiences. Stay tuned!
Sara, how nice of you to stop by! I’m glad to hear that ‘death wishes’ run in Jon’s family. I knew there was a reason I liked him. We should be careful if we ever hook-up for a boating excursion. Might not be a wise idea!
Sparky wrote @ February 8th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Bob, we will definitely have to do some serious crabbin’ when the season opens up! You’re right that once you’ve pulled ‘em out and boiled ‘em up fresh, there’s no going back to ’store’ bought or Red Lobster. Thanks again for droppin’ by SoundBite!
ben wrote @ February 9th, 2007 at 7:11 am
Just admit that the worst day on a boat is way better than a good day on land. I’ve mucked about in small boats my whole life, lived for years on a 27′ sailboat with no heat in Boston Harbor, sailed a good part of the world doing deliveries, fallen off my icy decks during an off shore in a blow, lost countless items to the deep blue… still - I can’t imagine anything better than a boat (well, a sail boat… not sure about them stink pots 
Where else are you going to get a story like this? “So there I was, at my desk, the tide going out, the potatoe-chips running low and the then the internet connection crapped out …” land is just DULL
Next time I’m kayaking out that way I’ll drop you guys an email.
Sparky wrote @ February 9th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Ben - true. true. No heat in Boston Harbor? YIKES!….there’s not a lot of sailing over on the Canal side. Stink pots work well with Crab pots!
I totaly agree, …Land is downright DULL. There is something primordal about the water. It has always held a special allure for me. Even when I’m performing ’stupid’ human boat tricks! Thanks for stoppin’ by!
Crabs…eeeewwwww. Though, if it weren’t for crabs, we wouldn’t be laughing with you - if only I was eating fish and chips at the marina cafe that day.
VERY FUNNY. I had a big grin on my face. I have had plenty of those experiences and watched plenty more. I’m sure we could swap stories. I spent 18 summers commercial fishing.
BTW…know anyone that wants a harvey dory with an evenrude 90…I’ll make em a deal.
Buckwheat wrote @ February 11th, 2007 at 10:06 am
A harvey dory? Is that anything like a hunky dory?
Actually, the harvey dory is a little like the C dory, but an earlier, heavier version. It evolved in Oregon for launching off the beach. I’d rather have a C dory. I have called it a lot of names, but never hunky dory.
I’m sorry, this morning your “newbies boat story” was absolutely hilarious over morning coffee…. you see my friends I’ve been there.
The Ex wanted a boat and someone at his work was selling one. “Take it home for the weekend, take it up to the lake, try it out.” The Ex always liked “fast things” : fast cars, fast motorcycles and eventually fast women (that’s why I divorced him)
So we take the boat for the weekend….it was nice… the breeze blowing in your hair, the feeling of freedom that you get from a motorcycle (kind of) bonding with nature…. blah blah blah. He says, “I have the fever I want it.” He had a fever alright….
Needless to say we bought it. First weekend we take it out… the motor blows. Great, now we have to buy a new motor, that was not cheap.
If it wasn’t the motor it was something else breaking………. so let me sum this all up by saying… “I FEEL YOUR PAIN.”
Fran
Sparky wrote @ February 15th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
One of the constants in boat-ownership is that you’re constantly paying out! Hey, but what else are you going to do with your hard earned cash? I once saw a boat that was named “Slot Machine.” How fitting! Thanks for droppin’ by, Fran. Nice to see your face in these parts!
The happiest days of your life are when you buy a boat and when you SELL the boat. It’s a hole in the water into which you throw money. Yes, find friends with boats. I keep telling my husband we could charter a nice yacht and crew for as many days as we are out on the boat, and for a lot less money and headache.
The joys of boat ownership! I have SOOOO many stories to tell on what NOT to do with a boat! A few involve being in the direct path of a barge with no gas…Can you say “PADDLE”!
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