A reverse mortgage stole my inheritance
March 8th, 2007 by Mark Flanders“But mom, you’re spending my inheritance!”
I was dumbfounded and shocked to hear my client’s daughter almost shout this at her mother in my office. I had to struggle to regain my professional demeanor. It took me several moments. The mother said nothing. The daughter sat back grumbling about her mother’s insensitivity with no apparent embarrassment. My client was in my office to apply for a Reverse Mortgage.
There is a curious and distasteful dynamic that sometimes happens when an elderly couple or individual attempts to get a reverse mortgage. A loan officer is often witness to the greedy side of human nature. The adult children of elderly parents can be cruel and grasping. They view reverse mortgages as something being stolen from them. They treat their own parents as the thieves.
I learned a long time ago that it is better to keep my mouth shut when my temper is up. And with my loan officer hat on, I don’t feel that I have the luxury of making remarks about a person’s personal set of values. So today, because this is my blog, I will use it to try and rid myself of the unpleasant aftertaste this meeting left in my mouth. With that in mind, here’s a piece of my mind.
The equity in a home does not belong to the heirs while the parents are alive. It may be a gift after they die; it may not be. The equity in the house is something the parents worked for; not the children. The parents’ quality of life when they are elderly, is often reduced because of rising costs and falling incomes. Often, the only asset the parents have left to work with, is the home. The children can either support them now financially, hoping to get the house afterwards, or use a reverse mortgage to make life easier for everyone. The parents are often trying to not become a financial burden on their children. The parents are not trying to spend or give away anything, they are trying to survive with some small comforts.
It must be very difficult to maintain any sense of dignity while getting older with family members who behave this way. My client is a nice, older lady with clean clothes that are not new. She smells of soap. Her grooming is tidy but there is no hint of makeup or hair color. I doubt she can afford those things. She has a soft voice and soft hands. Her husband is gone. She gazes at the floor alot.
My client brought me cookies today and stated “You’re a nice young man.” I grinned at her, I’m 48. We chatted about her garden and the gardener’s spring ritual. She said she would bring me some bulbs she needs to divide this year. We did not speak of her daughter’s outburst. My client has decided not to pursue a reverse mortgage.
Writing can be therapeutic. But this time, I know that the visitors who would benefit the most from this article, are the ones least likely to finish reading it. Sometimes I don’t like my job very much.
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